[ It's a good thing, that he's on watch right now. It's a good thing because he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, thoughts running through his mind repeatedly, even when he attempts to calm down, to quiet everything down in his head. It doesn't work, nothing works, and he just keeps on reliving that earlier scene, Lorna turning their back on them, taking Andy with her, taking Sage. Leaving Marcos behind, like they meant nothing.
The hurt, in Marcos' eyes. The way he'd broken down when the two of them had been alone for a moment, clinging to John with desperation that John could only mirror. The devastation on the Strucker's faces at losing one of theirs.
John had felt it already, when they got to safety, the weight of everything that they'd lost, what they'd sacrificed. And for what? They were on the losing side. The X-Men had put him and Lorna in charge, and he'd failed them.
He hears her before she's even on the roof, but he doesn't move. He doesn't want her to go away, anyway, if he's honest with himself. But he doesn't turn to look at her, just keeps his fingers buried in the fur at Zingo's neck and leans into Clarice's heat when she sits by his side, almost unconsciously. ]
I failed her, [ He says softly in response, looking ahead at the empty expanse of industrial estate they're hiding in the middle of. ] I feel like - like there must have been something we could have done.
( Her voice is soft, but she makes sure to keep it from sounding hesitant. John will always beat himself up for their failures. It doesn't matter which of them fucks up, he'll put it squarely on his own shoulders. It's part of why she loves him like she does, that firm core of belief and caring, but she can't just sit back while he beats himself up. ) There's nothing we could have done. Lorna's her own person, and she's been heading down this path for a while.
( The Frosts whispered poison into her ear, sure, but they'd have to be blind to blame it solely on them. Clarice knows bad decisions. In the end it's always down to the person making them. )
The worst thing we could do now is give up, stop trying. You know that, right? Even if it hurts, even if it feels like half of you is missing. ( She presses her chin to his arm, watching him in the dark. ) You can't blame yourself and you can't give up. Because they're gonna need some place safe to come home to. And there are still people who need us right now.
[ Gravel rolls under his feet when he moves them slightly, trying to control his heartbeat, thumping hard in his ribcage, painful. ]
I'm not giving up. Not until - [you, his mind supplies, ] - everyone is safe, and free to live the life they choose. I'm just.
[ He sighs, tipping his head back and looking at the starless sky, too full of clouds and pollution to show them the true beauty of nature. It feels fitting. ]
I'll be better tomorrow. Need to process. [ Ruminate. ] I just don't understand how things went this badly. We lost so much. We keep on losing.
[ He turns his head, to look at Clarice. With the lights from below, her eyes look even more different, striking and beautiful. He takes a deep breath, through his nose. ]
( She holds his gaze a little, still stroking Zingo where she's draped over his lap. ) I was so ready to give up. I was tired, tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of doing everything by myself. I kept going because I had to, but it was starting to wear me down. And then these rebel mutants tracked me down. ( A little quirk of a smile. A shrug. ) Kind of gave me a pep talk. I wasn't so much alone anymore.
( Letting out a breath. ) And sure, it was kind of crazy and everything's gone to hell but it made me realise something. I'm not ready to stop. I'm not ready to lose anything or anyone else. I'm going to keep fighting. I'm a mutant, so what? I deserve a life too and fuck anybody trying to take it from me.
( She's in love with him. But she's come to love them all too. Marcos, the Struckers, hell she still loves Lorna. She's just lost right now, stuck in her own head. Clarice has to believe they'll figure it out. )
It's no longer a fairy tale I tell myself at the end of the day. It's real. And I want it so badly.
[ John looks at Clarice, at Zingo, his fingers brushing hers on top of the dog's head. ]
I can't give up. I don't want to, but even if I did... there are too many people counting on me, and I can't bear to let a single one down. This is too important.
[ He dry-swallows before he looks at Clarice again, Zingo making a whining noise, shuffling closer. ]
You do deserve a life. And I want to help you get it.
[ So badly. He wants to be a part of it, too, but he doesn't know how to say that, right now. He hopes she knows, though. ]
I get that, I do. But just because you're indestructible here - ( Flicking his arm lightly. ) - doesn't mean you're indestructible here. ( This time she simply rests her hand on his chest, catching the way his heart is racing beneath her palm. ) I know you think you can save the world, but even the X-Men didn't do it alone. Even they got to stop every now and again.
( He tries so hard and it's endearing, but she's terrified he'll wear himself out one of these days. )
And I'm kind of counting on you being around for a long time, okay?
( Only then does the slightest of anxiety slip into her voice. They talked, after the mess with the Frosts. But even in the hours after that things had gotten even worse. )
[ Hi breath catches when she puts her hand to his heart, his own reaching up to curl around hers, so much smaller than his own. ]
That's the thing. I don't want to do it alone.
[ It's a declaration of intent, as much as he can give one right now, when everything is so unstable. Only a night ago they were kissing in a bedroom in the Frost's mansion, and now this. He meant it then and he means it now, even if it feels harder to put the words together.
He looks at Clarice, his eyes dropping to her mouth helplessly, his own lips parting slightly. It feels impossible, it feels like the worst thing to do right now, when Marcos' heart has been shattered, when they're all so fragile and scattered. But he can't stop. In the world of hurt, Clarice feels like the only soothing presence around, like the one bright light in his life, and he can't stop reaching out for her. ]
( He looks so lost, his eyes tired and his lips parted like he can't quite figure out what to do. With her hand still on his chest, she closes the gap between him to press her mouth to his, something soft and earnest about the kiss. It's different from their first, different even from those they traded the night before. It's more of a punctuation, a confirmation. It's I'm here and I've got you, because she doesn't have any more of the words.
Clarice doesn't try to deepen it, she doesn't try to push. She just pulls back, her gaze restless when it searches his face. Her thumb strokes soothing circles against his rib cage in time to his breathing, the wind around them tugging lightly at her hair. But all she focuses on is him. )
You don't have to. You have me. I'm not going anywhere.
[ She doesn't know how much it means to him to hear these words. To know she means them, and that it's not just a fluke, just a spur-of-the-moment thing because they're both hot and lonely. It's more than that - a real promise and a real partnership to go along with the feelings. He leans into the kiss at first, hungry for it, desperate for it, but lets her pull away , breathing in deep through his nose. He can still taste her when he licks his lips.
He doesn't know how to respond just yet, overwhelmed and scared and full of want he doesn't know how to word. So he just pulls her closer, arm wrapped around her and nose buried in her hair. ]
I know. Thank you.
[ He knows she knows that he returns the sentiment, that he doesn't have to say it out loud. So he doesn't, just holds her in silence for a long time, eyes scanning the are for threads from over her head. He feels her relax in his arms, grow a little heavier - as much as that's possible, anyway. ]
I'll stay with you. ( Even though her voice is tired, she knows she won't be able to sleep. Not while he's up here alone. ) You're not doing the whole night watch, right? Because I will portal you from this roof myself if I have to.
( Contrary to what he believes, he does need to rest now and again.
She turns her head slightly, even though she's still leaning against his shoulder, her eyes tracing the line of his jaw, the vulnerable shape of his throat. It's far too early to tell him that she loves him, but the words pinball around inside her head anyway. ) And Zingo has to see the bed I made her. ( Ruffling her fur. ) Yes she does. Okay, it's just a box but I found some old cloth and got it padded out.
[ He lets out a an amused huff, her hair moving as he does. If only she knew, how the words are stuck in his throat, feelings threatening to push them out even though his rational mind knows it's too early, too. But he loves her, and he knows it. ]
No, I'm getting relieved in - [ checks his watch. Makes a noise. ] - ten, actually. I guess I didn't feel time go.
[ He smiles when Zingo whines a little, leaning her head in Clarice's touch. He knows the feeling. ]
Did you get yourself a bed, too? I know there was a stash of mattresses and a few cots around, but I don't know if there are enough for everyone.
[ He doesn't really care about himself - while she keeps saying he needs rest, he isn't sure if he's going to get any sleep, any time soon. ]
( Not that she would. Clarice is a part of this now. If someone needed it, she would have offered it up. Hell, she'd probably give the shirt off her back. She's just used to acting a certain way. )
Actually, I kind of commandeered some sort of closet. It was full of shelving and junk and I mostly got it cleared. I couldn't sleep, so --. ( Shrugging her other shoulder. ) And I think everyone's okay. We can try and figure out arrangements better tomorrow. I made sure Marcos come someplace too but I don't know if he's going to use it much. I kind of thought -- you know, it's a bit of a squeeze and everything, but if you wanted to share with me we could make it work. ( She's actually blushing a little, so it's good that it's dark. ) I mean, we can take it in turns, or -- you know.
[ There's a lot of work to do in the morning. Arrange this place better while they're here, fortify it as much as possible, all the while starting to make calls and try to find a better place to hunker down, a proper new HQ.
But then Clarice offers to share her space with him, and he remembers the last time they got to sleep together, the amount of effort it took for him to fall asleep, how keyed-up he was just because she was in his arms. And yet, he really can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be. He moves enough to be able to curl his hand over her cheek, thumb brushing her skin. ]
( Shifting so she can look at him. ) If you really don't want to, that's fine. But if you're saying no because you think you should then stop. ( Frowning at him. ) Listen, I --. I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of you up here, and I'd rather you were where I could see you anyway. So let me do this. Let me take care of you.
[ His stomach ties up in knots as she talks, with nerves as much as it does with some kind of anticipation, the idea of getting to sleep with Clarice in his arms again reawakening the same hunger he felt so recently. ]
No, I - I want to. Clarice, I want to. [ He wants her, so bad, it's making his head spin.
He licks his lips again, leaning in a fraction. ]
Okay.
[ And he's about to kiss her, of course, when the roof door opens and closes, making John startle, because he'd been so focused on Clarice he didn't even notice. But he's up in seconds, hand clasped around Clarice's as he helps her up as well, nodding at Pedro as he takes their place. ]
It's been very quiet, thankfully. Thanks, man.
[ He clasps his shoulder, before walking away, following Clarice downstairs, anticipation rushing through his veins. ]
( Zingo follows them down the stairs, but instead of coming with them she trots down the hallway. Clarice knows she'll be safe here at least, she'll probably go and find Marco. ) I guess she didn't think much of my box bed idea.
( Lacing their fingers together, she tugs John down the corridor to where she stops at a door. Clarice nudges it open, handle creaky, and then peers into the gloom with John. ) So I really wasn't lying about it being a closet. ( She's wedged a cot up against the back wall and there's a light burning, but it probably looks more cramped than it does cosy. ) But it has a door.
( A pause. ) And me.
( She takes him further into the "room". At least they're able to both stand inside it. )
[ He follows Clarice down to the tiny room she's found for herself. The cot seems too small to even fit one, let alone two, but John still steps in after her, the door closing behind them.
It's a different kind of silence from what it was on the roof, and somehow, it's full of tension now. He swallows around the lump of feelings in his throat, curling a hand around Clarice's wrist. ]
We should probably sleep.
[ Because he wants a million things but it doesn't feel any more responsible to act on it now than it did to act on it the day before. There's barely more privacy here, maybe even less, and his heart feel like it's been broken by Lorna's betrayal, and yet all he wants is to step into Clarice's space and act on the I want to take my time that he told her previously. ]
( Clarice is ridiculously nervous about this. Sure, she shared a bed with him the night before but somehow that feels like it was years ago instead of just a handful of hours. Part of her doesn't know how the others have done this for so long, already she's pretty much aged prematurely.
She won't let the anxiety stop her though. Instead she guides him to the cot, firm insistence in her voice as she presses a palm to his shoulder. ) Sit.
( When he does, she kneels down to start unlacing his heavy combat boots. Clarice is careful as she moves, not looking at him. She wants to help him and maybe it's a little weird to be tugging his boots off, but she's doing it anyway. The first one gets placed neatly beside the bed, the laces tucked so that if he has to run they're there and ready. )
[ It's strange, to be the one someone is taking care of. Because he's no idiot, and he knows this is what's happening here. The way Clarice guides him to sit, gently removes his boots one by one, her movements precise and determined, it reminds him of doing exactly the same thing.
It reminds him of how she did the same thing before, helping him with his back, touching him so gently his heart ached, thundered in his chest. It's the same now, as she puts her second boot on the floor next to the first one. John reaches out, lifting her chin with two fingers for their eyes to meet. ]
Hey, [ He says, gently, a whisper in the tiny room as his free fingers tuck hair away from her face. ] C'mere. [ And he tugs her closer, because if he doesn't get to kiss her right now, he might break. ]
( She goes with the tug easily, her knees pressed at each side of his thighs where they dig into the cot mattress. Her hands find his face, frame them as she leans in to kiss him. It's slow, lingering, her weight against his, her thumb tracing the line of his cheekbone. She hasn't felt like this before and it's terrifying, but the relief that floods through her body at being allowed this is stronger than her fear.
Maybe it's selfish, but when she deepens the kiss she feels like she can survive again, her hands moving up to push into his hair, curling her fingers because she needs to hold on to him.
It doesn't last long. When John parts his lips on a sigh, Clarice deepens what might have been almost chaste. She can't help herself, fingers stroking lightly against his scalp, easing his head back, as she pulls his bottom lip between her own. When Clarice moans softly her entire body shivers with it, urgency licking along her bones.
And then she pulls back, flushed and her bright green eyes searching his face. ) Sorry. ( She shouldn't be pushing him, she just --. She wants. )
[ Her body moves to his so easily, so willingly that John feels like he's breaking, his chest feeling too tight and his heart feeling too big. He tilts his head back into her kiss, one of his hands in her hair, the other pressing against her back, fingers digging in the dips of her spine. She deepens the kiss and John feels alive again, pressing his chest to hers, wanting it, and so much more. He's back to feeling like a teenager, clinging to Clarice like if he lets go, she might disappear. He couldn't bear it.
Goosebumps rise all over his arms when she pulls his bottom lip between hers, a deep groan rumbling up his chest and sensations shooting down straight to his groin.
This feels like even worse timing than it was before, but he was strong the night before, and he doesn't know if he can be, tonight. He doesn't want to, not when he wants Clarice so much he's shaking with it.
When she apologizes, he opens dazed eyes to look into her, confused. ] Why?
Because --. ( Because she's worried she's taking advantage of him, because he's tired, because Lorna's gone, because this a terrible time to do this. Clarice bites her own lip, teeth making the colour go pale. ) Just, because.
( She's in his lap now, her hands are still in his hair, and he looks like that. ) You can tell me to stop. We can sleep. But if you don't then I'm going to kiss you again and I don't think I'll be able to stop.
( It's painfully honest, her chest heaving with each breath because she's losing her mind. )
[ She says we can sleep and at this point, John has no idea if he'll ever be able to. She looks a little disheveled, her eyes bright in the semi-darkness, her lips swollen from their kisses, and John -
John is very, very strong, but he's not that strong. Sure, there are a myriad of reasons why not to do this, why they should wait, when their hearts aren't bleeding and their lives haven't just been turned inside out, but there's also the fact that John is feeling alive, and not because he's in the middle of a fight and the adrenaline pumping through his veins is due to fear.
He licks his lips, eyes traveling all over her face. ]
I don't want to stop.
[ He doesn't. For all the reasons he knows they should, he doesn't want to. ]
( The laugh of relief that his words pull from her is quickly smothered when she leans back in. This time she doesn't try to tame her kisses, letting the hunger and want finally free from the cage she'd housed it in. Her hands move back to his hair, running her fingers through it before curving a palm against his throat. When she shifts, it's to get closer this time, the only thing between them are their clothes and he feels real and solid against her.
He's right there, and it's all she needs now.
Her heart is racing in her chest, a frantic flutter that makes her feel like she's something otherworldly. Clarice's hands shift, flatten against his shoulders and then drag down, over his sides, greedy fingers slipping under the hem just so she can feel his skin. )
[ Before he spoke, Clarice had looked worried, and unsure. Like she expected him to stop her, to be John - responsible, rigid, unyielding. And he had been this John for so long that he barely realized he didn't have to be, every second of every day. It had become too much of a habit, but one he's decided to kick, starting here and now. Yes, he is a leader and he has responsibilities, but he also has a responsibility to himself, a responsibility to live his life. Clarice reminded him of that, and as soon as he said it, she lost the worried look, only to kiss him again, hungrily, making him respond with the same urgency.
Stopping now seemed like the most cruel thing he could ever do to himself. He groans gently into her mouth as he presses up against her, his arms wrapped tight around her back, one hand mimicking hers and slipping under her shirt as his muscles tense against her touch, his teeth pulling at her bottom lip, before he pulls away just to say: ] Please tell me this closet door locks.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2018-01-25 05:48 pm (UTC)The hurt, in Marcos' eyes. The way he'd broken down when the two of them had been alone for a moment, clinging to John with desperation that John could only mirror. The devastation on the Strucker's faces at losing one of theirs.
John had felt it already, when they got to safety, the weight of everything that they'd lost, what they'd sacrificed. And for what? They were on the losing side. The X-Men had put him and Lorna in charge, and he'd failed them.
He hears her before she's even on the roof, but he doesn't move. He doesn't want her to go away, anyway, if he's honest with himself. But he doesn't turn to look at her, just keeps his fingers buried in the fur at Zingo's neck and leans into Clarice's heat when she sits by his side, almost unconsciously. ]
I failed her, [ He says softly in response, looking ahead at the empty expanse of industrial estate they're hiding in the middle of. ] I feel like - like there must have been something we could have done.
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Date: 2018-01-25 06:00 pm (UTC)( Her voice is soft, but she makes sure to keep it from sounding hesitant. John will always beat himself up for their failures. It doesn't matter which of them fucks up, he'll put it squarely on his own shoulders. It's part of why she loves him like she does, that firm core of belief and caring, but she can't just sit back while he beats himself up. ) There's nothing we could have done. Lorna's her own person, and she's been heading down this path for a while.
( The Frosts whispered poison into her ear, sure, but they'd have to be blind to blame it solely on them. Clarice knows bad decisions. In the end it's always down to the person making them. )
The worst thing we could do now is give up, stop trying. You know that, right? Even if it hurts, even if it feels like half of you is missing. ( She presses her chin to his arm, watching him in the dark. ) You can't blame yourself and you can't give up. Because they're gonna need some place safe to come home to. And there are still people who need us right now.
( Lorna will come back. Clarice did. )
It wasn't your fault.
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Date: 2018-01-25 06:19 pm (UTC)I'm not giving up. Not until - [ you, his mind supplies, ] - everyone is safe, and free to live the life they choose. I'm just.
[ He sighs, tipping his head back and looking at the starless sky, too full of clouds and pollution to show them the true beauty of nature. It feels fitting. ]
I'll be better tomorrow. Need to process. [ Ruminate. ] I just don't understand how things went this badly. We lost so much. We keep on losing.
[ He turns his head, to look at Clarice. With the lights from below, her eyes look even more different, striking and beautiful. He takes a deep breath, through his nose. ]
What keeps you going?
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Date: 2018-01-25 06:47 pm (UTC)( She holds his gaze a little, still stroking Zingo where she's draped over his lap. ) I was so ready to give up. I was tired, tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of doing everything by myself. I kept going because I had to, but it was starting to wear me down. And then these rebel mutants tracked me down. ( A little quirk of a smile. A shrug. ) Kind of gave me a pep talk. I wasn't so much alone anymore.
( Letting out a breath. ) And sure, it was kind of crazy and everything's gone to hell but it made me realise something. I'm not ready to stop. I'm not ready to lose anything or anyone else. I'm going to keep fighting. I'm a mutant, so what? I deserve a life too and fuck anybody trying to take it from me.
( She's in love with him. But she's come to love them all too. Marcos, the Struckers, hell she still loves Lorna. She's just lost right now, stuck in her own head. Clarice has to believe they'll figure it out. )
It's no longer a fairy tale I tell myself at the end of the day. It's real. And I want it so badly.
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Date: 2018-01-25 06:56 pm (UTC)I can't give up. I don't want to, but even if I did... there are too many people counting on me, and I can't bear to let a single one down. This is too important.
[ He dry-swallows before he looks at Clarice again, Zingo making a whining noise, shuffling closer. ]
You do deserve a life. And I want to help you get it.
[ So badly. He wants to be a part of it, too, but he doesn't know how to say that, right now. He hopes she knows, though. ]
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Date: 2018-01-25 07:07 pm (UTC)( He tries so hard and it's endearing, but she's terrified he'll wear himself out one of these days. )
And I'm kind of counting on you being around for a long time, okay?
( Only then does the slightest of anxiety slip into her voice. They talked, after the mess with the Frosts. But even in the hours after that things had gotten even worse. )
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Date: 2018-01-25 07:13 pm (UTC)That's the thing. I don't want to do it alone.
[ It's a declaration of intent, as much as he can give one right now, when everything is so unstable. Only a night ago they were kissing in a bedroom in the Frost's mansion, and now this. He meant it then and he means it now, even if it feels harder to put the words together.
He looks at Clarice, his eyes dropping to her mouth helplessly, his own lips parting slightly. It feels impossible, it feels like the worst thing to do right now, when Marcos' heart has been shattered, when they're all so fragile and scattered. But he can't stop. In the world of hurt, Clarice feels like the only soothing presence around, like the one bright light in his life, and he can't stop reaching out for her. ]
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Date: 2018-01-26 02:43 pm (UTC)Clarice doesn't try to deepen it, she doesn't try to push. She just pulls back, her gaze restless when it searches his face. Her thumb strokes soothing circles against his rib cage in time to his breathing, the wind around them tugging lightly at her hair. But all she focuses on is him. )
You don't have to. You have me. I'm not going anywhere.
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Date: 2018-01-26 04:22 pm (UTC)He doesn't know how to respond just yet, overwhelmed and scared and full of want he doesn't know how to word. So he just pulls her closer, arm wrapped around her and nose buried in her hair. ]
I know. Thank you.
[ He knows she knows that he returns the sentiment, that he doesn't have to say it out loud. So he doesn't, just holds her in silence for a long time, eyes scanning the are for threads from over her head. He feels her relax in his arms, grow a little heavier - as much as that's possible, anyway. ]
You should go get some sleep.
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Date: 2018-01-26 04:59 pm (UTC)( Contrary to what he believes, he does need to rest now and again.
She turns her head slightly, even though she's still leaning against his shoulder, her eyes tracing the line of his jaw, the vulnerable shape of his throat. It's far too early to tell him that she loves him, but the words pinball around inside her head anyway. ) And Zingo has to see the bed I made her. ( Ruffling her fur. ) Yes she does. Okay, it's just a box but I found some old cloth and got it padded out.
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Date: 2018-01-26 05:29 pm (UTC)No, I'm getting relieved in - [ checks his watch. Makes a noise. ] - ten, actually. I guess I didn't feel time go.
[ He smiles when Zingo whines a little, leaning her head in Clarice's touch. He knows the feeling. ]
Did you get yourself a bed, too? I know there was a stash of mattresses and a few cots around, but I don't know if there are enough for everyone.
[ He doesn't really care about himself - while she keeps saying he needs rest, he isn't sure if he's going to get any sleep, any time soon. ]
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Date: 2018-01-26 05:36 pm (UTC)( Not that she would. Clarice is a part of this now. If someone needed it, she would have offered it up. Hell, she'd probably give the shirt off her back. She's just used to acting a certain way. )
Actually, I kind of commandeered some sort of closet. It was full of shelving and junk and I mostly got it cleared. I couldn't sleep, so --. ( Shrugging her other shoulder. ) And I think everyone's okay. We can try and figure out arrangements better tomorrow. I made sure Marcos come someplace too but I don't know if he's going to use it much. I kind of thought -- you know, it's a bit of a squeeze and everything, but if you wanted to share with me we could make it work. ( She's actually blushing a little, so it's good that it's dark. ) I mean, we can take it in turns, or -- you know.
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Date: 2018-01-26 06:14 pm (UTC)But then Clarice offers to share her space with him, and he remembers the last time they got to sleep together, the amount of effort it took for him to fall asleep, how keyed-up he was just because she was in his arms. And yet, he really can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be. He moves enough to be able to curl his hand over her cheek, thumb brushing her skin. ]
You don't have to, I'm sure I can find a space.
[ But he wants her to insist. He wants to. ]
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Date: 2018-01-26 06:19 pm (UTC)( Shifting so she can look at him. ) If you really don't want to, that's fine. But if you're saying no because you think you should then stop. ( Frowning at him. ) Listen, I --. I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of you up here, and I'd rather you were where I could see you anyway. So let me do this. Let me take care of you.
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Date: 2018-01-26 06:53 pm (UTC)No, I - I want to. Clarice, I want to. [ He wants her, so bad, it's making his head spin.
He licks his lips again, leaning in a fraction. ]
Okay.
[ And he's about to kiss her, of course, when the roof door opens and closes, making John startle, because he'd been so focused on Clarice he didn't even notice. But he's up in seconds, hand clasped around Clarice's as he helps her up as well, nodding at Pedro as he takes their place. ]
It's been very quiet, thankfully. Thanks, man.
[ He clasps his shoulder, before walking away, following Clarice downstairs, anticipation rushing through his veins. ]
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Date: 2018-01-26 07:17 pm (UTC)( Lacing their fingers together, she tugs John down the corridor to where she stops at a door. Clarice nudges it open, handle creaky, and then peers into the gloom with John. ) So I really wasn't lying about it being a closet. ( She's wedged a cot up against the back wall and there's a light burning, but it probably looks more cramped than it does cosy. ) But it has a door.
( A pause. ) And me.
( She takes him further into the "room". At least they're able to both stand inside it. )
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Date: 2018-01-27 02:19 pm (UTC)It's a different kind of silence from what it was on the roof, and somehow, it's full of tension now. He swallows around the lump of feelings in his throat, curling a hand around Clarice's wrist. ]
We should probably sleep.
[ Because he wants a million things but it doesn't feel any more responsible to act on it now than it did to act on it the day before. There's barely more privacy here, maybe even less, and his heart feel like it's been broken by Lorna's betrayal, and yet all he wants is to step into Clarice's space and act on the I want to take my time that he told her previously. ]
I hope that cot is king size.
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Date: 2018-01-27 03:53 pm (UTC)( Clarice is ridiculously nervous about this. Sure, she shared a bed with him the night before but somehow that feels like it was years ago instead of just a handful of hours. Part of her doesn't know how the others have done this for so long, already she's pretty much aged prematurely.
She won't let the anxiety stop her though. Instead she guides him to the cot, firm insistence in her voice as she presses a palm to his shoulder. ) Sit.
( When he does, she kneels down to start unlacing his heavy combat boots. Clarice is careful as she moves, not looking at him. She wants to help him and maybe it's a little weird to be tugging his boots off, but she's doing it anyway. The first one gets placed neatly beside the bed, the laces tucked so that if he has to run they're there and ready. )
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Date: 2018-01-27 05:14 pm (UTC)It reminds him of how she did the same thing before, helping him with his back, touching him so gently his heart ached, thundered in his chest. It's the same now, as she puts her second boot on the floor next to the first one. John reaches out, lifting her chin with two fingers for their eyes to meet. ]
Hey, [ He says, gently, a whisper in the tiny room as his free fingers tuck hair away from her face. ] C'mere. [ And he tugs her closer, because if he doesn't get to kiss her right now, he might break. ]
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Date: 2018-01-27 05:36 pm (UTC)Maybe it's selfish, but when she deepens the kiss she feels like she can survive again, her hands moving up to push into his hair, curling her fingers because she needs to hold on to him.
It doesn't last long. When John parts his lips on a sigh, Clarice deepens what might have been almost chaste. She can't help herself, fingers stroking lightly against his scalp, easing his head back, as she pulls his bottom lip between her own. When Clarice moans softly her entire body shivers with it, urgency licking along her bones.
And then she pulls back, flushed and her bright green eyes searching his face. ) Sorry. ( She shouldn't be pushing him, she just --. She wants. )
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Date: 2018-01-27 05:58 pm (UTC)Goosebumps rise all over his arms when she pulls his bottom lip between hers, a deep groan rumbling up his chest and sensations shooting down straight to his groin.
This feels like even worse timing than it was before, but he was strong the night before, and he doesn't know if he can be, tonight. He doesn't want to, not when he wants Clarice so much he's shaking with it.
When she apologizes, he opens dazed eyes to look into her, confused. ] Why?
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Date: 2018-01-27 06:03 pm (UTC)( She's in his lap now, her hands are still in his hair, and he looks like that. ) You can tell me to stop. We can sleep. But if you don't then I'm going to kiss you again and I don't think I'll be able to stop.
( It's painfully honest, her chest heaving with each breath because she's losing her mind. )
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Date: 2018-01-27 06:24 pm (UTC)John is very, very strong, but he's not that strong. Sure, there are a myriad of reasons why not to do this, why they should wait, when their hearts aren't bleeding and their lives haven't just been turned inside out, but there's also the fact that John is feeling alive, and not because he's in the middle of a fight and the adrenaline pumping through his veins is due to fear.
He licks his lips, eyes traveling all over her face. ]
I don't want to stop.
[ He doesn't. For all the reasons he knows they should, he doesn't want to. ]
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Date: 2018-01-28 04:37 pm (UTC)He's right there, and it's all she needs now.
Her heart is racing in her chest, a frantic flutter that makes her feel like she's something otherworldly. Clarice's hands shift, flatten against his shoulders and then drag down, over his sides, greedy fingers slipping under the hem just so she can feel his skin. )
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Date: 2018-01-28 06:23 pm (UTC)Stopping now seemed like the most cruel thing he could ever do to himself. He groans gently into her mouth as he presses up against her, his arms wrapped tight around her back, one hand mimicking hers and slipping under her shirt as his muscles tense against her touch, his teeth pulling at her bottom lip, before he pulls away just to say: ] Please tell me this closet door locks.
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From:i'm really struggling with POSITIONS lmao. so let's pretend it can just magically happen
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